Andriani Rina (Rinana)

Just because we stopped talking, doesn't mean I don't think about you anymore. In fact I do. A lot. It's just I tried to distance myself because I know I can't have you. 

It's kind of different type of sad when you are terribly missing someone but you cannot say so. Because you know, nothing is going to change even if you did. Or perhaps one or two things will, but then you know the ending will eventually be the same. And you cannot do anything about it. And it's not your fault, not anyone else's, it's just... the reality. And a sad one too.

 Hi Doc, as you see, I'm writing another blog today. I know I promised, the last time I wrote to you, it will be the last time I would mention that person.  But hey, recent incidents happening in my life, they just brought me back to him. It's all platonic, though (I know you won't believe it but it's true!). I sometimes wonder on how can I reach this point. Before, there were times when I was wondering on how can't we make it work? I mean we have been through a lot and now what? It's just simply hard to believe.. and give things up just like that.  Until... I saw how he went out of his way, genuinely expressing himself, loving another person to the fullest like he used to with me, though he could never did again lately so yes I kind of understand that we're just not that person anymore to each other. And.. surprisingly, that's cool. I mean, that's fair (or not really, uhm anyway). The point I was trying to make here is that uhm, this is it. You reme...

I imagine someone saying: "can we fix this? I can't lose you." Yeah, just imagine :"D lol

Sometimes I wonder, how weak a human being could be. We could see some answers were right there all the way, yet we just cannot see them. In some cases, we were blinded by some fancy resolutions, focusing on some imaginary scenarios we created inside our head rather than confronting the reality and logically solve it. Or, in some others, respectively, the pain we are feeling, the worries we are having, and the burden we are bearing are just incredibly overwhelming to the point we feel like exploding. To the point where it feels like there is no way out. To the point where... we are one step away from giving up on it. Yeah... on life. On staying alive.

I tend to have an extreme turbulence of thoughts, tremendous jump of moods and terribly random memory juggling. It all can happen real fast even in the middle of exhausting days. It just comes in at the most unexpected time.  But hey I think I have been doing not so bad so far. You know I used to blindly following my guts and will suddenly hit a text message to someone I shouldn't have just because I was reminded of the past. Or the feelings just hitting me out of nowhere, and the sentiments emerged. Yep, stupid they named it. And oh my friend you have no idea how many times a single piece of song can triggered me writing paragraphs which I almost send to you. Or when I accidently passed by places that remind me of us and I almost hit your number.  I fought so so well. Until that day which I might not ever be able to forget. Ever, happened. Things I thought... don't really happen in real life. Things I thought would only happen in movies or books.  --- to be continued ---...